Saturday, January 23, 2010

Belligerence Theory

The Belligerence Theory states that people have the innate compulsion to disrupt or Hulk-smash the natural order of a given situation. Men, women, and children will induce chaos in order to satisfy their own sadistic, hedonistic urges. Put simply, when presented with a Lego city scape, the typical human being will "fuck that shit up."

The Belligerence Theory is evident and almost always demanded in various, video game franchises.

In Rampage, your goal is mass destruction. You, the player, control raging monsters in a super-belligerent mission to annihilate digital representations of real, existing cities. Your actions include car-crushing, building-punching and people-munching. Actions are rewarded with points and level progression. In Rampage, the choices are simple: demolish or be demolished.



In Burnout, you are the Michael Bay of luxury sedans. Your task is to calculate the degree to you which you can piss off insurance companies by instigating car accidents—with your own car. Possible actions include ramp-jumping, fuel-tanker collisions, car-crashing, and, uh, more car-crashing. Points are awarded in proportion to the level of damages you inflict on property, other vehicles, and yourself. In-game physical laws are vivid and hyper-realistic. Newly damaged cars are magically repaired at the beginning of each stage, as it is in real life.



The key element of Belligerence Theory is "unethical eradication," i.e., the deliberate disregard for human and inanimate life. Many of today's games require the maiming of digital but very fluid, life-like entities. In Call of Duty, you must compromise terrorists, helicopter, and dogs. In Worms and Gunbound, you hurl explosives at each other in lateral, platform madness. And in Grand Theft Auto, you are graced with the ability to destroy hookers with pimp-like passion.



This argument challenges Romero's Tidiness Theory. Use of the metaphor "cleaning" in explaining violence compromises any sense of ethical wrongness. Stabbing a Russian soldier is not "scrubbing," it is killing. Punching a hole through a building is not "renovating," it is mass destruction. And eating a maze worth of pellets is not "sweeping," it is gluttony.



The Tidiness Theory, according to Romero, posits that self-improvement is justified at the expense of others. What of worms killed-in-action who cannot return to their families? What of the city zoning permits that Rampage creatures so readily invalidates? (Oh yeah. And the people inside.) What of the dogs brutally assaulted in PaperBoy? These digital creatures matter, too. His theory disregards the sentiments of said victims and fails to address the destructive potential of man's actions.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Progression of my Brain: Philosophies throughout the Years

Video games are...
  • My life. (Age 8)
  • Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter; Battletoads and Double Dragon. (Age 9)
  • Squaresoft RPGs and turn-based battles.(Age 12)
  • Late night Super Smash Brothers tourneys. (Age 17)
  • Escape devices through which I live alternate identities, i.e. The Sims, Oblivion. (Age 20)
  • An art form and, thanks to Yahtzee, artifacts worthy of criticism and praise. (Age 22)


Music is...
  • Mom's lullaby. (Age 2)
  • Road trip mix tapes—ABBA, Beethoven, Bee Gees, Chicago. (Age 6)
  • Old (here, current) school R&B—The Fugees, Boyz II Men, TLC. (Age 8)
  • Emo—Dashboard Confessional, Bright Eyes, Something Corporate. (Age 13)
  • Punk rock—Yellowcard, Linkin Park, Avril Lavigne. (Age 14)
  • Break beats and techno—Kaskada, Robert Miles, Bobby Byrd. (Age 17)
  • Classical—Nobuo Uematsu, Mozart, Yasunori Mitsuda. (Age 18)
  • Japanese—Nujabes, m-flo. (Age 19)
  • Eighties rock—Blur, Journey, Boston; Death Cab for Cutie; John Legend. (Age 20)
  • Flight of the Conchords; Guitar virtuosity—Tommy Emmanuel, Andy McKee. (Age 21)
  • The Beatles; Indie rock—Local Natives, Fleet Foxes. (Age 22)


School is...
  • Life. (Age 7)
  • A distraction from cartoons and video games. (Age 10)
  • Dodgeball and flag-football (Age 13).
  • JROTC. (Age 14)
  • From a distance, the primary means to financial stability. On closer inspection, a breeding ground for pretentious intellectuals and social elitists; petri dish of the tech industry; just another business. (Age 19)
  • A great place to meet fun and interesting people; my personal library and playground. (Age 22)


    Girls are...
    • Icky. (Age 5)
    • Targets of harassment and fart jokes. (Age 7)
    • Cute. (Age 13)
    • Beautiful goddesses. (Age 16)
    • Unattainable. (Age 18)
    • Unrelenting, needy, self-righteous, self-serving twats. (Age 21)
    • Intuitive but moody creatures; Nature's bees, burdened with the responsibility of labor; God's gift to nature and men...and lesbians; future mothers of our children (Age 22)

    Religion is...
    • Going to church and eating crispy slices of bread. (Age 6)
    • Jesus. (Age 7)
    • Forty beads and sixty minutes. (Age 10)
    • Twenty-six pages. (Age 12)
    • No longer important at a public high school. (Age 14)
    • Illogical; based on superstition and unreliable sources. (Age 16)
    • Guidelines miserable people use to make sense of a painful, stressful life. (Age 18)
    • The reason why my parents and I fight. (Age 19)
    • What gets my mom through the day. (Age 20)
    • From a cultural perspective, unique; in its own way, a science and a magic; belief worth respecting. (Age 22)

    Love is:
    • Mom. (Age 4)
    • A power that conquers all. (Age 8)
    • Corinthians 13. (Age 14)
    • A Hallmark marketing device. (Age 16)
    • Often unrequited; short-lived. (Age 19)
    • The chemical incentive for a biological imperative. (Age 21)
    • A breeze of energy—something for which you should be grateful when it comes and accepting when it leaves; my family's concern; and her smile. (Age 22)

    Life is...
    • Street hockey. (Age 6)
    • School. (Age 7)
    • Video games and school. (Age 8)
    • Skateboarding and sleeping in class. (Age 16)
    • Breakdancing...and sleeping in class. (Age 17)
    • Love. (Age 18)
    • The end result of universal happenings upon happenings, the origins of which we will probably never truly understand, the occurrences of which have endlessly relative meanings and interpretation. (Age 21)
    • Best kept simple. (Age 22)